Picking Up The Broken Pieces After A Break-Up
August 9, 2012
By: Rebecca Dixon-Kennedy
All of us at some point in our lives have discovered the pain of a break-up. It has been said the pain we experience during these times is one of the most painful types we can suffer. Many people sit, wait and hope for their partner to return to them after they’ve broken up, leaving their recovery time extensive and more emotional. Yet, have no fear – there are steps everyone can take to overcome this painful time, and move on to a more positive, happier you.
The first step after any break-up is truly accepting that it is over. There is no point in sitting and waiting around for your partner to come back to you – you have broken up for a reason. If you sit around and mope, you will sink into a depressive, useless state. As soon as you are able to accept that you are single, you are then ready to think about moving on (literally moving on and stopping thinking about him/her, but also to find somebody new). – Single are ready to mingle!
- Letting Go – The Hardest Part
Another crucial step (which can come before, after or during step one) is simply talking to your friends. During these hard times you will always need your friends to lean on. You can talk about your ex, but only by talking about the things that have gone wrong as this will help you gain closure in realising why you have broken up, and that is was the right decision. You will know when you are close to moving on when you realise that talking about him/her is starting to bore you! (Or make you angry – either way, boredom and anger are better than sadness!)
- Seek Solace
The third step is crucial: looking after yourself. You need to make sure you look after yourself properly during this painful time as many of us let our health slip after a relationship ends. We are already weak through being emotional, so not eating and drinking properly, getting fresh air or socialising will leave you weaker, sadder and hamper your emotional recovery. You don’t want to delay your future positive mind-set that you will need to gain the willpower to let go and move on. Relaxing in a nice bath or going for food and drinks with your friends will de-stress you and most likely take your mind off that man/woman. Let’s not forget as well that although health is important, indulgent eating is recommended – rock out in your PJs in front of some comedy films with chocolate and a never ending supply of ice-cream… and dig in! But only for the first couple of days mind…
- The Comfort Of Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream
If you have been with your ex for a long time, you may have a few items that remind you of him/her or which actually belong to him/her. The fourth step, then, is for you to reorganise your life and belongings. Anything that is around which reminds you of this person is going to prolong the pain and make you regret the decision you made (if you ended the relationship) or make you feel down if they ended it. Therefore, let loose and divest yourself of those possessions – whether you’re (safely) burning those photographs you no longer want to stare at, tearing up their shirt, or dumping a box of their things outside their front door with an ‘unwanted’ sign on (for all to see!) you need to have a bit of fun whilst clearing out the old, ready for the new!
- Out With The Old
Many of us can definitely be found guilty of returning to that dreaded ex in a moment of weakness and suddenly finding we’re back in their bed. This isn’t a step but a rule really: don’t go back to the ex. Doing this will only lower your self-esteem, and most of all renew the attachment you had with them that you have worked so hard to sever and forget! You don’t want to go back to step one, when you were in a world of pain and regret. There are plenty more fish in the sea, so find yourself a new partner if you want sex! (But make sure you use protection obviously!)
- Moving On To Bigger And Better Things
Girls – we have to all sit back and realise these people are exes for a reason. If you have done the dumping then you left them for specific reasons and those reasons made you unhappy – you don’t want to be unhappy! Ladies, if a man/woman dumped you, it is because they don’t realise what they had and they only ever do once it’s gone unfortunately. So even if they do come crawling back, this isn’t good enough – you are worth more than someone realising way down the line that you are amazing. A true partner will realise this all the time they are with you, and they won’t forget it.
However, in those extenuating circumstances where people do break-up prematurely, then obviously second chances can be handed out – this is, however, completely dependent on the crime, and whether you truly believe it is forgivable, or unforgivable. People who are meant to be together do have arguments, and in the heat of one can hastily break-up, so keep this is mind. However, for the majority of break-ups, exes aren’t worth our time, so we need to move on and let them be the ones who are upset for losing something amazing, and let them wallow in their regret.
- True Love Never Runs Smoothly
We also can’t forget that sometimes we can break-up mutually and amicably, and in these scenarios you just need to cut your losses and admit as nice as they were, you were not supposed to be together. In such circumstances, platonic friendship can be achieved for the future, and whilst you’re enjoying a new found friendship, you can move on to finding a partner you are supposed to be with.
These steps won’t cure the pain you will face at the end of a relationship; we all know that it’s easy to say it, but harder to do it. However, try to embrace the advice as it will help you to recover quicker, and help you get back to your normal, happy self…. without those ice-cream tubs littering your bed.
Co-written by Rebecca Dixon-Kennedy and Becki Dickinson