"It's wrong, and the Bible agrees!" and other nonsense

“It’s wrong, and the Bible agrees!” and other nonsense

September 13, 2012
By: Rhianna Campbell

So, I was waiting for a lift home today, and couldn’t help but overhear a conversation between two surly looking schoolkids.

“Did you see Aidan and Luke at lunch today? I asked them to play footie but they said no ‘coz they were going to the library to do Science project research. It’s not even due in til like, next month, they well could have come out and played with us.”

The second lad, features composed into a smug, slightly malevolent mask, smirked and said: “Maybe ‘come out’ is what they need to do!”
Cue guffaws and noises of manly approval.

“Always thought Luke was a fag anyway.”

Teeth. Grinding. Shudders down spine.

Why, in a society that has evolved to accept almost everything, can we not accept gay people? And why do we have such negative words to refer to them?

When I asked someone I knew, they said they didn’t like gay people because “it’s wrong”. Why, I asked them, is it wrong? “Well, it’s not natural.”

“Neither’s your hair colour.” I retorted. “Is that wrong?”

The answer I got, as you might expect, ranged from “that’s a completely different thing” to “anyway, the Bible condemns it.”

Right. This is the argument that really gets on my nerves.

People cite the Bible as a reason to completely cast off and isolate millions of decent people, without so much as having read any of the ‘Holy Book’ apart from, at a push, the Ten Commandments in primary school. If they had read it, and decided to meticulously follow every single thing the Bible said, I might be less contemptuous towards them, but I can assure you, they do not.

And I know they don’t without even asking.

How? Because the Bible also states that we stone disobedient children (Deuteronomy 21:18-21), and that men are worth more than women (Leviticus 27:1-7). Not that this matters anyway, since women were only created to accompany men, so who cares, right? (Corinthians 11:9 will tell you this). It also teaches that it’s wrong to give bread to the blind or otherwise disabled (including anyone with a flat nose or scurvy, anyone with scabs, dwarves, those with other blemishes in their eyes and the ‘brokenfooted’, ‘brokenhanded’ or ‘crookbackt’-Leviticus 21:17-21).

Needless to say, your stereotypical hipster-with-facial-fuzz is a sinner, since he probably has tattoos and he definitely has a smattering of facial fuzz or a manicured beard, and the Bible says we shouldn’t make tattoo marks on ourselves (Leviticus 19:28), and that men aren’t allowed to trim their beards or shave their heads. (Leviticus 21:5).

Look at the sinner, in all his groomed, facial-fuzzy glory! Just look at him!

And for any girl who’s ever absent-mindedly donned her boyfriend’s t-shirt; I’ve got news for you. You’re going to hell, girly, and your boyfriend too if he’s ever gotten chilly and nicked your fluffy dressing gown after a shower, because Deuteronomy 22:5 says that men and women who wear clothes meant for the opposite sex are an “abomination unto the Lord thy God.”

Whilst on the subject of clothes, you’re probably going to hell anyway, as if you wear a garment made of more than one fabric, you’re to be cast into the fiery pits of Lucifer’s lair. (Leviticus 19:19-wow, the Levites seemed like nice chaps).

The Bible also states that you’ll be off on a not-so-merry voyage downwards for more obvious things too, like adultery. But did you know that if you divorce your spouse, then marry someone else, you’re still committing adultery? Off to hell you go.

Prostitution is punished by burning the woman at the stake, and it’s absolutely fine for fathers to sell their daughters into slavery. (Leviticus 21:9 and Exodus 21:7-10).

Oh, and then there’s the fact that God killed every living thing in Soddom and Gomorrah for engaging in homosexual acts in Genesis 19:24-25, which is obviously the only thing you need to pay any attention to, as apparently you just pick and choose which parts of the Bible you pay attention to. Hey, you can even use the Bible as a way to justify sexism, abusing children and selling them!

So next time you hear a person slagging off gay people, ask them why. Wait patiently for them to cite the Bible offhandedly, then inform them that they too are sinners (with proof) and watch in joy as they stumble backwards down the non-Bible route, which now seems very, very feeble.

Smugness is acceptable on your account.

There was a time when people protested against black people socialising with white people. Looking back now, how stupid do they look? I hope a similar thing happens very soon, and being homophobic is considered outrageous, not a common occurrence.